Sometimes I still couldn't accept it yet.

I just pretend that he just went for a meeting or whatever in KL and might coming back home soon.

Every night, I couldn't sleep.

I always dream back all the memories I have with my dad.

This make me shed tears in the midnight.

On the 23rd October is his birthday.

Me and my mum bought a cake for him.

He was lying in the room and my brother, sister, mum and me bring in the cake to the room and giving him a suprise. He closed his eyes and make a wish.

He is so sick, he couldn't even have the energy to blow the candles and swallow a piece of cake.

On the 24 October, Around 8pm, he yell at my mum saying that he is going to die, he says he had a massive headache. He asked my mum to put ice on his forehead and my mum did.

Nearly around 12am, When my mum was talking to him, suddenly he did not answer. My mum nudge him for many times and still he didn't make a move or answer.

My mum felt that something was very wrong. So she called my brother and sister to come to see what's wrong. At that time, I was still in my room, studying for the tomorrow exams. When I decided to take a break I walked out of my room. I saw everyone crying and my cousin was there calling ambulance. I look at my daddy, his whole body was shaking, his eyes was wide open and unconscious.

Few minutes later, the ambulance arrived.

I wanted to follow and my mum stopped me.

She called me to stay at home because tomorrow is my exam.

I cry,cry and cry begging her to let me follow.

When the ambulance arrive in the hospital, my dad was immediately brought into the Emergency place.

We waited there until 1 am and my mum called my aunt to bring me home and fetch me to school tomorrow.

After school, I went to my aunt's house, bath and went to the Hospital straight away.

I saw my mum was there sobbing and my dad, was lying on the bed, tubes all over him, I can see him hardly breathe and his face was so pale.

The doctor said that my dad couldn't wake up. Even if he could, he does not have much time left...

I cried non-stop there, holding my dad hands. His hands was so cold.

Tuesday 26 October.

Knowing that my dad didn't have much time left, I didn't go to school today.

I spend the whole day in the hospital looking over my dad.

My mum knew that I was tired, she fetch me back home and called me take a nap first then only come back later.

Around 6 pm I slept with my mum. When I woke up my mum is gone, She had went to the hospital again. I was sitting on the sofa looking at the family album. It was always the whole family 5, and it will soon becoming 4...

Mum rushed back from the hospital and called me to get changed. She said your dad is in a critical time already. We got there at the hospital at 11.30pm. Our whole family gather around my dad's bed including my aunt and uncle. My dad's heartbeat is getting lower and lower and I hold my dad's hand tightly.

When the clock strikes 12.17am, My dad left...

I was crying non-stop with my mum, sister and brother. At that time, how much I wish he would just wake up and call me Samantha for the very last time.

Wednesday 27 October.

Woke up in the morning knowing that I don't have a daddy anymore.

My eyes were swollen for crying too much.

Got change and went to attend my dad's funeral.

My dad is a very strong, kind and loving person. When I am young, he always bring me for a treat before I have to attend kindergarten. To wait for the bell ring he will bring me to the park and I will sit on the swing and he will push me. I say he is strong because when I was young, I saw him carrying a huge ass television all by himself and cross the street. I still remember I was a bad girl. He used to buy me sausage bun, I always eat the sausage only and let my dad to eat the bun. Whenever I cry he will buy me an ice-cream. Whenever I got beaten by my mum, the next day he will bring me to the toy shop and call me to choose anything I want. On my 8th birthday, I was greedy enough. Dad asked me to choose a doll and I wanted 2 dolls, still he bought the 2 dolls for me. He only have off day on Sunday, still he won't waste the all day sleeping and lazying around. He will fix whatever is spoilt in the house, do gardening and sometimes even bring the whole family for a movie.

Now that he is gone. Everything is no more.

I am writting this with full of tears, depression, heartbroken and regret of didn't appreciate him fully when he was here. I am not writting this to get everybody's attention. I just want the all of you to appreciate the person you have fully before its gone.

With Love,

Samantha.